My Saving Grace

On a personal note I have been going through some emotionally difficult times and have been at my wits end over my children's disregard of my mothers possessions as well as their blatant disrespect of me. My mother  passed away last June and unfortunately she left no will and I have been appointed personal representative of her small and modest estate. I admired my mother for working as hard as she did for the pride of home ownership, and doing as much as she did to live a full life. For loving me enough to show me how to be independent and resourceful not having to depend on anyone, for giving me the strength and courage to face anything life brought my way. And for showing me how to love and care for my children the way she loved and cared for me and my brother. I have tried to be as amicable as possible with my family but have been met with unthinkable resistance from my children and have been absolutely ignored by my brother. 

My mother allowed me to live my life, a life that included full time employment, full time college studies, and full time mothering even when she again was diagnosed with bronchial cell carcinoma, a form of lung cancer. She always let me be an independent woman, taking care of myself and since the age of twenty nine I was raising two children on my own, with the exception of a couple of economic low points, had lived on my own without the support of the kids fathers and have not a burden to my mother or the state. But somehow in the last twenty years while I was out living my life, trying to increase my income and value to potential employers and trying to instill positive characteristics in my kids, I lost their support and respect. Their belief is that I was never there, had never visited, never called or did anything for my mother. Now I know that I cannot change the past or decisions I made in life but my relationship with my mother was solid and guilt free and I have nothing to be ashamed about.

My saving grace is that I am a believer - and while the Lord was preparing my mother's room in His kingdom, He was also preparing me to accept an unbelievably wonderful man into my brand new world, and welcome the beautiful experience of the unconditional love he gives to me. So as I was losing the love and support of my mother, I was gaining the love and support of an honest, warm and caring man. He has been there for me everyday offering his strength for me to lean on and his ear to hear every sound of my voice to which he listens without judgment. I am truly one of the lucky ones for He has answered my prayer sending me this gift, and for him I am thankful.